Hello! Pandora here.
Mom sayz I zhould write now, ‘cos she’s buzzy.
Well, I don’t really now what to tell ya. Nothing much happens in me life ya know.
Except for scary thingz, that is.
But first I shall tell ya ’bout something very weird.
Me mom and dad, they have something they call a car.
Actually they bought a new one not zo long ago, just for me.
I even know the brand. It’s a Wolfs Wagen!
Anyway, some weeks ago me mom introduced me to a weird kinda car with no room for me?!
It is an outdoor car, with only two wheelz. And it makez no noise at all.
Mommy called it a bicycle and I would have to run by its zide as she was riding it.
Why would I have to run and look like an idjet?
I wazen’t really sure if I trusted those two big wheelz.
But I know wheelz, and they usually do not attack without reason, so I gave them a good bite before they could attack me. Settled then!
I decided that if it could amuze mom, I could run along with it. Mommy said I waz SO clever.
‘SO clever’ isn’t as nice az goodies though.
One day I took me male human for a walk (they call him dad. Yeah right, he cannot even smell where me rotten chew bones are buried! Some dad, huh?) and we walked along a dirt road peacefully – very nice and all tzat.
Zuddenly the wildest herd of some crazy big dogz came running towardz me.
They were trying to kill me. I’m sure of it!
I hid a little behind me daddy. Not tzat I waz scared ya know – I just wanted to protect me delicate zkin.
Finally the furry beast ztopped only ‘cos they could tell I waz dangerouz just by looking at me!
(Me walking backwardz all the way home waz just ‘cos I wanted to zee if they would hurt me daddy.)
Dad calls tzem cattle, I call tzem Killer Cowz.
The cowz I usually see, do NOT behave like tzat. Tzey are calm and appetising.
Not out for me meat and bonez!
Me humanz also have thiz HUGE monzter hidden behind tze door.
I just don’t get it! Why am I not enough?
Sometimez they bring out tze monzter, put it in tze middle of tze room (ALWAYZ az I am sleeping),
tzey pet it – and it startz to SCREAM!?
Who the holy hell hound startz to scream when tzey are petted?
Tzis ugly enormouz monzter is incapable of walking by itzelf, so me mom grabz it around the neck and move its head back and forth over the floor, and then tze monzter eatz WHATEVER is in its way.
I tell ya, several animals must have disappeared into its stomach.
I talked to the catz about it, they recommended me to flee if the monzter came too close, as they were sure it took two of their friendz last year!
I hate the suck monster, but mom and dad seem to like a lot.
Why am I not good enough? I can eat scraps! I can, I swear. I do it all the time!
(Ya wanna know a secret?
I know me mom told ya ’bout tze herding thing.
It’s amuzing. What humans call herding, we dogs call hunting.
Humans tzink we want to bring the sheep together.
All we want is to eat tze awesome meat on these big, furry pillows on legs.
But let’s just pretend.
And don’t tell mom.)